In our world of smartphones and social media, giving others our time and undivided attention is often the most valuable and precious gift we can give. The gift of time and companionship can mean even more to people with schizophrenia, who may be socially isolated or have social anxiety. Both of these symptoms mean that they may spend much of their time alone.
Here are some gifts that will benefit the person on your list with schizophrenia symptoms without breaking the bank.
Offer to take them to a museum.
Plan a lunch date.
Get them a gift card to a coffee shop (a chance to spend time with other people in a public place).
Plan a hike or picnic.
Plan a fun night out, with popcorn, soda, candy, and their favorite movie(s).
Plan to explore a new part of your city or town by bike or walking.
Pay them to take a class at a local community college or even online.
People may feel uncomfortable around someone with schizophrenia. Letting someone with schizophrenia know that they are a desirable friend and a valuable part of a larger community can be a gift enough. It can be given without money or special plans.
How to Treat Someone with Schizophrenia (and How Not to Treat Them)
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 19.
It wasn’t a shock or anything like that. I had been moving up the diagnostic spectrum since my mid-teens. It started with depression, then bipolar disorder, then borderline personality disorder (BPD), then atypical psychosis, and finally schizophrenia.
The diagnosis didn’t change anything for me. I was still dealing with the same hallucinations I had before there was a word for it. The only thing that really changed was the medication I was now given.
And how people treated me.
Schizophrenia is a scary word. It doesn’t help that TV and movies portray it as the “go-to” illness for any killer. They also manage to confuse it with dissociative identity disorder (DID) – or multiple personality disorder – so many people think that people with schizophrenia will actually change personalities and start killing them at any moment.
This is not true. People with schizophrenia see and hear things that others cannot see or hear. They are usually not very pleasant and this can make them angry and confused because they perceive themselves as under attack. However, the same thing would happen if you were shouted at or abused by a real person. The reaction is not wrong; it is just something that is hard to understand.
People with schizophrenia are generally very peaceful. Most of their anger and confusion is turned inwards into self-harming behaviour, rather than being expressed outwards to harm others. In all the people I have met with this illness, I have only seen a few instances where the person goes uncontrollably mad.
Most of the time, they just want to talk about what is happening to them.
And most of the time, they have no one to talk to.
The worst thing about this illness is the loneliness. People think it’s voices or hallucinations, but for me it’s not. It’s the pain of no one understanding or wanting to understand. They are afraid because they don’t understand, and so we are alone.
People with schizophrenia know they are “crazy.” They are very aware of the reality. They have moments when they know exactly what is happening around them and when they know they are having an attack, and it is usually something they are very scared of, ashamed of, and don’t want to happen. The medication I am given to help with psychosis often leaves me unable to feel anything, which is worse than seeing something that isn’t real. This is why some people with schizophrenia come off their medication at some point. They just want to get out of the drug fog.
But even when they are lucid, they are alone. Often their friends and family avoid them because they don’t know how to cope with what is happening to them. Some people in psychiatric wards rarely have visitors. Some people are left alone at home, with only the community nurses to check on them. No one wants to hear about their days, which may be full of things that didn’t actually happen.
But they did happen. To the hallucinating person, these images are as real as real life to you. And when they talk to you about them, they’re not making them up; they’re telling you what really happened to them. You don’t have to tell them they’re wrong or that nothing happened.
Here are five of the most important things to do when dealing with people you know who are living with psychosis:
Still be their friend. Go for coffee. Talk to them about their day, even if it’s full of things you don’t understand. Love them.
Listen to what they have to say. It may sound “crazy,” but they are trying to communicate something to you. Are they talking about someone who doesn’t exist and scares them? Reassure them and let them know that you are there to protect them. Find a way to relate to them in the world they are in.
Don’t try to tell them that what they are saying isn’t true. It can be upsetting to hear your loved one talking about something that isn’t true, but telling them that may not help. They have their own problems, and telling them that they don’t have them won’t help; it will only confuse and upset them.
If they are having a good day, so be it. When someone is lucid, there is no need to bring up all the times they weren’t lucid. If they don’t, you can talk about it later. But if they are not, it will upset them to be reminded that they have problems. Let their good days be just good days, days when you can relate to them normally.
Be their friend. I repeat this because it is so important. If you were their friend before the illness, you can be their friend during it. It may upset you, but it is worse for them to be alone. Visit them in the hospital as you would someone who has had a bad accident. Visit them at home as you would before the illness. Cry about it in the car or alone because it is hard for everyone, but don’t let them be another lonely person with no one to talk to. Take the time. Change lives.