(From You)In 2007, I had spent three years in college, was at the height of my cross country career, was a Dean’s List student, and was a youth coach. My life took a 180-degree turn when I started experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. Early in my journey and before I received a proper diagnosis from a healthcare provider, I struggled with feelings of depression, intense paranoia, and psychosis. At the time, I didn’t know what a hallucination was, so when I heard voices, I thought other people were talking about me. I didn’t realize the voices weren’t real, so I did my best to rationalize what was happening and find ways to move on with my life without the help of medical professionals. To make matters worse, as a black woman, the stigma around mental health was something I had witnessed in my community since childhood. The thought of sharing my experiences made me anxious, and nothing could have prepared me for the widespread inaccurate and deeply hurtful judgments I would encounter in the communities where I once felt safest.
At age 22, I reached a low point when I found myself in the midst of a psychotic episode. I ran away from my family and support system, was arrested on felony charges, and ended up in the hospital for six months due to my schizophrenia symptoms. In the hospital, I was finally diagnosed and forced to confront my illness to understand how I ended up in prison at the height of my college career. While in the hospital, I took medication for the first time in my life. What I learned from this is that when you have the right treatment regimen and support systems in place, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I worked with several different psychiatrists until I found someone I trusted and who could see me where I was. Together, after some trial and error, we found the right treatment plan. By finding and sticking to the right medications, and leaning on my friends and family for love and support, I was able to change my mindset about recovery and begin sharing what I had learned to help others.
For a long time, I kept my diagnosis secret and private. I was often looked down upon in my community because of the pervasive and harmful myth that those living with schizophrenia are violent or dangerous. For the past 16 years, I have made it my focus to block out the negative noise and advocate for myself and others living with this mental health diagnosis by sharing my story and educating my community about what it really means to live with schizophrenia as a Black woman. I now know how important it is for others to hear my story, so I started a blog called Overcoming Schizophrenia to share my experience and help offer an alternative to the harmful stereotypes we hear and read so often.
In the process, I have come out of my shell and my diagnosis is no longer a secret. Instead, I want to share my journey with others. Today, I actively work with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and have been a peer counselor for various organizations for the past decade. I have also worked with law enforcement to educate them about the stigmas associated with schizophrenia; a full circle moment from my early diagnosis days. I hope to continue working on advocacy projects with my local community and even one day with Congress so that I can continue to debunk the myths about schizophrenia and show that recovery is possible. Schizophrenia is a complex and completely misunderstood illness, so I’ve made it a priority to be active in the community and have written several books about my experience, from how I coped with my diagnosis to the benefits of therapy in addition to medication. The one I’m most proud of is my latest book, a journal about loving your soul, with thirty prayers and self-assessment questions.
If you are reading this story and are struggling to find hope and community after a schizophrenia diagnosis, know that there is a way forward and that you are not alone. I hope that it inspires others to seek out the help that is available to you on your path to recovery. My journey has not always been easy, but I am now focused on my own journey of personal growth, balance, and healing. Therapy, healthy coping skills, and the support I have found through writing about my experiences on my blog have helped me on my journey to recovery. I still struggle at times, but because time has shown me that I am resilient, I know that I can overcome the challenges I face. And so are you. Learn as much as you can about schizophrenia, find your people and a treatment plan, surround yourself with good people, and give yourself all the love you need. With support and the right treatment regimen, there is hope for recovery. And please know that I am supporting you!
You are not alone.
‘Harmless’ Comments That Really Hurt People With Schizophrenia
When it comes to schizophrenia, many people are more familiar with the stereotypes and stigmas than the reality. They’ve probably seen the sensationalized version of schizophrenia portrayed in movies, but they don’t realize how dramatically different it is from a real person’s experience of living with schizophrenia.
Unfortunately, this uneducated perspective sometimes manifests itself in offhand comments and lighthearted questions that may seem innocent but are actually quite hurtful to someone with schizophrenia. If you have schizophrenia, you know how devastating it can be when someone makes a comment that (whether knowingly or unknowingly) implies that you are dangerous or untrustworthy.
The only way for people to learn what comments to avoid when talking about schizophrenia is for those of us who know better, who know how hurtful and inaccurate these stereotypes and assumptions can be, to expose them.
“My psychologist at the time told me that I didn’t look like schizophrenia and therefore it wasn’t possible for me to be schizophrenic.”
“It must be nice to always have someone to talk to.”
“When I told a friend this week that I was having a really hard time because I was having really strong hallucinations, she responded with the weirdest comment I’ve ever received. They said they were jealous because my brain was ‘making things up.’”
“What kind of drugs do you do?”
“When I moved in with my boyfriend and a couple of roommates, one of our roommates asked me if I would try to hurt or kill someone or anything because I have schizoaffective disorder and I got angry or something like that. It hurts my feelings a lot.”
“Stop trying to manipulate or manipulate other people.”
“‘I’m glad I don’t have schizophrenia, I’m just happy I’m depressed.’ That’s just offensive because it’s degrading. It’s a nasty insult and it treats schizophrenia as a terrible, debilitating disease that can never be cured or live a normal life. And who says I’m not more stable than you?”
“Are you going to go crazy and hurt someone?”
“[My priest] told me that his nephew, who has schizophrenia, was getting worse with medication because ‘he has a demon.’ He explained that it was either demonic possession or compulsion. I told him that people had tried to perform exorcisms on me before, but they didn’t work because I wasn’t possessed. His response was, ‘If you find someone who knows what they’re doing, it works.’”
“A sarcastic comment — ‘Did you miss your meds?’”
“Saying that people with schizophrenia have multiple personalities (which is not even a diagnosis anymore, and even if it was, it has nothing to do with the symptoms of schizophrenia).”
“Calling people who hear voices ‘imaginary friends.’”
“I often hear the word ‘psychotic’ misused. Having hallucinations, delusions, or disorganized thoughts is psychotic — psychosis is a serious symptom, not an insult.”
“Tin foil hats [and] jokes about wearing straitjackets.”
“When I hear someone describe someone with schizophrenia as a ‘schizo’ in a derogatory tone, it takes away some of the resilience and self-acceptance that I’ve worked so hard to build.”