As I mentioned in a previous post about using honesty as a self-diagnosis tool, one of the most insidious symptoms of the mental disorder schizophrenia is that you don’t recognize that you are experiencing symptoms.
Schizophrenia is, among other things, a state of low functioning, hallucinatory, unmotivated, and generally constant suffering. The symptoms I just mentioned are a drop in the bucket compared to the many symptoms that may be present at the same time.
When you don’t recognize your symptoms, this constant suffering can feel normal. Your sense of normalcy is inadequate. If someone else were in your schizophrenic shoes, their life would likely be turned upside down. They wouldn’t know what to do with themselves, and it would be devastating for them. However, this is your normal day-to-day life when you have schizophrenia, and it has probably been for some time.
Thinking this way can make a person more likely to not get the support they need. This is something I did for years. I refused to do group therapy, I refused to receive disability benefits. I forced myself into jobs that were bad for my health. Refusing support allowed me to persist in the mindset that I was just as capable as anyone else. As a result, this led to psychotic episodes and preventable suffering.
You need support, even if you don’t think you need it
That’s why it’s important to look at your life objectively and without judgment – ??get support when you need it, even if you don’t think you need it. This includes applying for disability income support from your state/provincial or federal government. The truth is, these types of supports are specifically for people with schizophrenia. If you have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, you are entitled to these supports and there is no shame in receiving them.
If you are embarrassed to receive these supports, think of it this way – your taxes pay for them. Have you ever had a job? You have been taxed. You just get your money back. If you have never had a job before, that’s fine. You can think of this financial support as an incubator. You are using this support as you develop the skills to manage your schizophrenia effectively. When your mental health condition is managed effectively, you can be a contributing member of society who pays taxes and in turn helps others get the support they need. Now, who wouldn’t want that?
In this article by Alison Hayes, she outlines the social cost of the stigma around welfare. It can be painful to answer questions like “What do you do?” You can be honest and tell the truth. Or, you can think of your income support as funding for an entrepreneurial venture. You use your support to start your own business as an artist, craftsman, coder, or any hobby that can be considered a job.
Schizophrenia is a mental health disorder, but it’s not a sign of shame
For me, it’s not a lie to claim to be a professional when you’re not. I’ve long considered myself a professional writer, even though it’s a hobby for me.
They say, “Fake it until you make it.” And in my case, that was absolutely true. There’s no shame in calling yourself a professional if you’re actively developing the skills that will eventually make you a legitimate professional.
The truth is that you can take any of your limitations and give them legitimate definitions of what they are and still appear normal. If you look at anything about your life objectively and without judgment, you are living just like everyone else. The only difference is that you are severely hampered in your daily life by a disability. Would you judge someone in a wheelchair for having trouble climbing stairs? I think not.
The Schizophrenic Who Feels Unlovable
While the stigma surrounding mental illness has diminished as more people become educated about mental health and seek their own care, there is still a lot of stigma around certain disorders, one of which is schizophrenia.
If you have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder and feel unlovable, this is for you.
I have been officially diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (a disorder that is marked by symptoms of schizophrenia as well as depression or bipolar disorder) for about a year now, but I have struggled with my symptoms since childhood. I was incredibly scared and ashamed after receiving my schizoaffective diagnosis. My fear was that I would be viewed differently by the people in my life, and in some cases, this was true. The media tends to stereotype schizophrenia as a scary disorder, and it is often used in horror movie plots that portray the person with schizophrenia as a “monster.” Those with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder are also often portrayed as dangerous or “crazy” and this has created fear in the general public and those close to us.
But I am here, I understand what you are going through and I am sending you all my love. I am here to tell you that you are loved. You matter. And you are a light in this world.
You have a mental illness, but it does not have to be your defining factor – it is simply an aspect of who you are and does not determine whether you are lovable or not.
You are lovable just as you are – and have been for the entirety of your existence. There are so many people in the schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder community waiting to embrace you, empathize with you and tell you that you are not alone. We are here to support you, to see you and to help you cope with your illness in a safe space where there is no judgment or shame.
It is possible to live a full life with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder and although you may face stigma around your illness, not everyone will treat you this badly. You can use your experiences to educate others and raise awareness of what schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are really like, and you can find some strength through your story.
You may be feeling like you are in a dark and dark place right now. I understand. I have been there too many times to count, but please know that there is a light just beyond the darkness, and I hope my words help you look for it. I am waiting for you, to tell you that you are loved and that you matter, and I am waiting here with open arms, like so many others in this community.
You do not deserve to feel unloved or unimportant because you have been diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. The world still does not fully understand these diagnoses, and they will manifest differently from person to person. Do not allow others to define you according to their own stereotypes and prejudices about these illnesses. You do not owe anyone an explanation, but you can use your story to empower yourself, and I strongly encourage you to speak up and express it.
My words come from a place of complete love and compassion. I am passionate about making sure you do not feel unloved because of your illness, because that is simply not true. If nothing else, please know that I love you, I see you, and I am here for you when you are ready to be seen.