Category: Schizophrenia

You may feel completely powerless in your schizophrenia treatment. The doctor gives you a few pills or shots and then… what? Do you just sit around and wait for things to get better? I think you can do that. That’s definitely what I did for the first few years after my diagnosis. But it’s not something I would recommend. To be honest, those first few years were really awful. That is until I approached my schizophrenia treatment like a scientist.

For me, the three basic things a scientist does are: Observe, hypothesize, and experiment, do research.

Observe the facts.
My schizophrenia can often lead me to think and believe incredible things. But when I observe the facts, those thoughts are contradicted by reality. For example, for the past few years I have struggled with the delusion that an old friend from high school lives in another city and is following me. What brought this delusion to a terrifying peak was when she appeared in my contact suggestions on LinkedIn. I looked at her profile and discovered that she lived where I lived.

I immediately panicked. Was my delusion true? Had this guy really been stalking me for the past few years? I decided to follow the advice I gave in this YouTube video , where I talk about the value of being vulnerable and honest with other people. In short, I decided to contact a high school friend of mine and tell him about my delusion. Indeed, we had a nice back-and-forth text conversation in which he explained that he had only been living where I was for the past six months and that he was using his fiancée as an excuse for this claim. I knew this was true because when I first called him, his fiancée answered the phone and also told me when they had moved here.

Knowing the facts helps separate delusion from reality.

In that moment, I could observe the facts of my delusion; this guy was stalking me. The reality of the situation was that my delusional thoughts did not match the undeniable facts presented to me. And, to add further facts, I am a very boring and average person by most standards. It would be a waste of time for someone to watch me sit in front of a computer all day. As a result, I can use my scientific observational powers to better understand whether my delusions are actually delusions.

Try your schizophrenia treatment with your doctor.
There are numerous scientific articles and claims all over the internet that suggest cures and potential treatments for schizophrenia. At the end of the day, I have found that the right medication will usually do most of the work. However, most medications do not always get you 100%. You will need to find additional tools in your schizophrenia treatment tool belt to get you the rest of the way. Of course, any treatment you try should be in addition to taking your medication.

What you try is up to you. I have tried many different things. The ones I have found to work best for me include a low-carb diet to reduce my positive symptoms and weightlifting to reduce my negative symptoms. Others have found that megadosing vitamins like niacin and vitamin C helps. However, there is also science that cautions against using this practice. This brings me to the next part of treating yourself like a scientist.

Research, read, and consult your doctor before experimenting.
If someone told you that drinking bleach would cure your psychotic symptoms, would you believe it? I hope you reject that completely. However, some claims may sound more believable, such as sticking to a gluten-free diet to reduce symptoms. As always, with any believable claim, I like to find research to back it up.

My go-to place for evidence is PubMed, a government website that allows you to easily search scientific articles. You don’t need to read the entire article. There’s usually enough information in the abstract and conclusions to give you an idea of ??whether something is true or not. I think the key to reading any of these studies is to make sure that their results come from a double-blind trial. If the results aren’t based on double-blind trials, I tend to assume that the results are anecdotal and not worth taking too seriously.

However, if you want to try it yourself, consult your doctor. For most people, there’s no harm in changing your diet or taking vitamins. As long as your doctor thinks it’s safe for you to try, there’s no harm in turning yourself into a guinea pig. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work. Alternatively, the best that could happen is that your life changes for the better, as lifting weights did for me.

How Music Saved Me from Schizophrenia
When I tell people that I get paid to research music and generate music algorithmically (among other research topics), I’m usually asked a few questions: How old were you when you started composing? How many instruments do you play? Did you go to a conservatory?

The short answer is: I didn’t know what harmony was until I was 19, I never went to a conservatory, and I don’t play any instruments, thank you very much.

Then there’s the long answer.

Music pretty much came into my life at 16, when I was first learning computer science and spent all my tuition money buying everything that could actually apply programming to solve real “problems,” something incredibly exciting that I’d never been able to do before. Among a bunch of textbooks on computational epistemology, empirical sociology, cell biology, etc., I bought “Notes from the Metalevel,” an algorithmic composition textbook. I read some of it and liked it, but it didn’t particularly appeal to me, and I moved on to other things.

I entered the spring of my freshman year of college. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, and my parents learned that the constant pacing, the involuntary frowning, the random dropping of things, and the aimless wandering of the hallways at school were not just “Halley being Halley”—they were symptoms of prodromal schizophrenia that everyone—especially me—had missed.

Personally, I was certain that I had made everyone I knew evil and dirty by allowing fantasies about the FBI to enter my head—in short, I was delusional and lacking in insight, and everyone around me saw that I was doing well academically and not worrying about what we now think of as “signs.”

I don’t remember much about those first six months. Only two things stand out vividly. The first was the day I actually believed the doctors who told me it wasn’t my fault, and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders (it was much better to be mentally ill than to be evil).

The second was the day I felt ready to get back into programming and happened to pick up Notes from the Metalevel book. It was as if someone had given me a new purpose when I needed it most – music wasn’t going to “solve” itself, was it? So reading music theory theses and using them to produce music became my companion as I completed my partial hospitalization program, went back to being a college student (this time with a good dose of medication and lots of therapy), and eventually started graduate school.

Fortunately, I realized pretty early on that music wasn’t a “problem” to be solved – it was a field with infinite potential (in fact, one of my papers mathematically proved that you could simulate the Big Bang from inside standard music software, just as you can in any known computing system). And that was part of what made it so great. Music production was grounded in empirical reality (believe me, you can tell when you can’t produce anything remotely musical), but it offered a creativity that I had previously associated only with my most psychotic thoughts.

That’s not to say that my relationship with music wasn’t without its challenges. When I have mini psychotic lows, even music can get tied to “that FBI thing.” I can get obsessed with working on music, and I have to rely on my wonderful fiancé to remind me that taking a shower is more important than finishing that one script. But overall, music has been a source of comfort and a blessing to me, just as it has been to so many people throughout the centuries—though perhaps not in exactly the same way.

Schizophrenia in the Cold Season
Dear winter cold season:

You surprised me when you entered my house and decided to rest near my nose, throat and swollen eyes. Today, I see you have found another comfortable corner in the upper part of my chest, which makes everything a little more stuffy. There seems to be no room to breathe. I am frozen. A two-month stay is long enough for you. It is time to go now. Thank you.

Dear scatterbrain:

You need to be more understanding when dealing with fever and congestion. There is no room for either of you today. Please sit back today.

Thank you, kindly.

You know when your eyes open wide in the middle of your sleep? When your spine, which seems to be in a resting position, rises forward at a strange speed, floating like a spirit, electromagnetically suspended above your bed, it makes you wonder if you are still asleep.

And like an exorcism, my head did almost a complete turn. Looking to my left, I saw that a sharp-framed mirror had captured a strange form of human movement that I thought was mine.

My arm was bending upwards at my elbow, without my knowledge, the tips of my branching, slender fingers grasping those red knobby joints that began to rub my tired eyes.

I noticed my face reflected in the square mahogany-framed mirror, blurred.

I turned my attention to the swelling pressure under my upper left cheek, where there was an oval valve that held my vision. Reflexively, I moved my hand under the swollen flesh. My thumb and forefinger began to pull at the flaccid, twitching, ivory-colored knobby skin. Above it, a folded sheet of pinkish gel, covered with wet black whiskers, winked, descended with incredible speed to hit the lower set of eyelashes, pinched the sides, met at each end, and formed a crescent-shaped pocket in which an emerald-green, glassy marble ball of vision was housed. I was moving, rolling from side to side in this slightly oddly shaped, slippery, slimy nest.

I was walking along the curb on cracking red lightning bolts in the green of my nest, passing over and around this cloverleaf quasar, the one my right Hubble lens had caught. I squinted with my naked right eye, squeezing a dull ache somewhere.

And then, like a galactic, spasmodic, elastic, slightly browned Rubber band, I was pulled back for a few moments by the mirror in front of me, where I saw with my own eyes — those dual-pupil quasars — and I turned my peripheral attention back to the black void by my window, by the corner mirror parallel to my other universe. I guess I was in my tiny bedroom.

‘Self-Awareness’ and Schizophrenia
Some people with schizophrenia think their voices and delusions are real. I’ve been on my medication for years and even I have to tell myself that I’m not that popular.

You probably think that’s simple enough. If I don’t, I try my best to ignore them. I believe that some people with schizophrenia hear positive voices in their heads. I thought I could hear God’s voice, and it was God who told me to go to the mental health center in Fort Irwin, California. I also thought that during my second stay in the psychiatric ward, it was God’s voice telling me that I would get the help I needed. Believe it or not, I think that’s the voice that helped me become self-aware; it made me question what I was feeling or, in some cases, whether something was really going on.

Sometimes I hear negative voices too. They can be insulting and tell me to kill myself. It’s part of the struggle. I don’t like to talk about it. When I hear these negative voices, I do my best to stimulate my brain and be active, or try to ignore them.

Realizing that what is going on in your head is not really happening is a tough pill to swallow. It can be misunderstood when a doctor tells a patient to be self-aware or that the voices are not real. That is why it is important to wait. Wait until the medication has worked, and then even the patient will wonder why the voices and hallucinations have diminished. When this happened to me, I felt like I had a revelation. It was cathartic.

I am sure doctors and others in the mental health field struggle with this. No one in the mental health field told me to question what was going on in my head until later in my recovery. No one told me that my hallucinations were not real. I think if a doctor told me that my hallucinations were not real, I would not have believed it.

Maybe there needs to be a better “bedside manner.” I respect doctors, but maybe they should be a friend or maybe a neighbor instead of putting themselves on a higher level. How can doctors do this? Maybe they should start a meeting by talking about the movie they just watched. They might talk about the last football game they just watched on TV. If they don’t like sports, they might talk about their children or a nephew. They might not want to talk about the holidays because even people without mental illness can feel lonely or depressed during these times. So, build a relationship. Show some sensitivity.

Some doctors (I won’t name names) feel that the less I talk, the better. This attitude will not help the patient or the doctor. There are some doctors who feel insensitive to the mental health field. They may even think it’s all the patient’s fault. I ask all the doctors and staff in the mental health field not to abandon us. We need you to be optimistic. Some of you in the field know that we are getting better.

You may have heard of peer counseling. It’s a good program. Patients who have been stable and have been on their medications for a while should be invited back to the psychiatric ward. This will help the patient who is still on their medications because it will show them how far they have come. This will actually help the patient who is in the ward because the patient will see the peer counselor as someone who has walked in their shoes. As long as they are not stressed, they can discuss their past delusions with other patients. Both people may find some common ground. Both will experience hope in seeing how far they can go and how far they have come. Imagine you are encouraging a mental health patient to enter the field of community service. Here are some examples of questions a peer counselor/community worker might ask:

“What medication are you taking?”

“How long have you been here?”

“Do you know you’re feeling better?”

“Do you keep a journal? You should start.”

“How did you sleep?”

“Who is your doctor?”
“Everyone falls down; it’s whether you can get back on track.”

“You know you have to keep taking your medication.”

“Nobody is watching you; you’re safe here.”

“If you’re not compliant, they’ll make you stay longer.”

Here are a few conversation starters. Of course, the staff must decide whether a patient on a psychiatric ward can handle a visitor. I can assure you that on a psychiatric ward, even when you’re around people who have the same symptoms as you, it’s possible to feel lonely. It would be nice to have some positive energy on the other side of the table. How can doctors be self-aware? I know that psychiatrists are in high demand. In some cases, there probably won’t be enough. The ones we have are probably overworked.

“Happiness comes in short doses.” I think that means holding on to the simple things. That could be a diet soda, a cup of coffee or tea, or simply observing nature when you have the chance. Maybe a break room with cool jazz playing (for those of you who don’t know much about cool jazz, you should buy Miles Davis’ “Kind of Blue” to get started) or some other way to relax when you’re taking a break. Anyway, for those of you in the mental health field, thank you for your service. Finally, we should all be aware of our own little piece of the world. We should all be aware of what’s going on around us, whether it’s in our minds or out there. It will help us be mentally and emotionally strong.

What You Need to Know About Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia — sometimes it’s like being in a crowd and everyone is trying to turn around to listen to you, but you’re too busy driving the bus.

Here are some questions to ask yourself or someone with schizophrenia:

Do you believe someone is stealing from you?
Do you get messages on the TV or radio that no one else can hear?
Do you hear voices in your head that no one else can hear?
Do you believe that one or more people can inject their thoughts into you or take your thoughts away from you?
Do you believe that people are against you?
Do you see or smell things that aren’t there?
Forget about thinking you’re a superhero with special powers, because that’s an illusion. It’s also wrong to think that you’re so special that you can get messages from the TV. Schizophrenia replaces rational thinking with irrational thinking. It can cause you to stare at a wall for long periods of time or walk up and down a hallway. It can be treated with medication and still have your senses jump.

Sensory Hallucination

Vision — Someone in the restaurant where my mother and I had breakfast earlier threw my notebook on the floor. My notebook didn’t actually fall to the floor, but I saw him get up in frustration. He was frustrated because I saw it as a hallucination, not a real vision.

Smell — You might be in a seafood restaurant and smell hamburgers.

Hearing — You might hear voices that are offensive or uplifting. Sometimes you feel like people are listening to you or knowing your thoughts.

Sometimes it can be a sense of someone else’s presence, not necessarily in contact. I once thought Bill Murray (comedian, actor) was helping me write a poem. He thought of the line “chasing windmills.”

The man in your head
Holds back his laughter
While you hold your breath
At oncoming cars
And pedestrians
Chasing windmills
And
Belongs to his friends in his head
Flows on the page
No punctuation
From the chaos of the conversation
Takes a lower dose of sleeping pills
But doesn’t take vitamins
He’s in the crowd inside his head
He’s called on often
But he’s nobody outside his own mind

What Should You Do?

Sometimes the drugs stop working, and sometimes it takes you about 10 years to get on the right one. Remember, the pressure to find the right one is not on you. It’s hard to figure all this stuff out, so it’s best left to a professional. You have to be consistent. I’ve taken pills and had shots. Some worked a little; some didn’t work at all. I’m trying a new drug as I write this.

No matter what, don’t give up. Listen to your doctor, get in group or one-on-one therapy, and unless you choose to throw yourself a pity party or something, remember that you’re not alone. I personally quit drinking because alcohol can negatively affect your medications. Sometimes you just have to play by the rules.

A decade ago, I was grieving the loss of my adult son, Ben.

No, he hadn’t actually died physically; instead, his life had come to a complete halt, mentally and emotionally. All of his dreams for his future and ours had been stolen by a devastating chronic brain disorder called schizophrenia.

Ben was an adult when he was diagnosed, and it affected our entire family as we had to adapt to our new reality. My sweet, smart, gentle, popular, energetic son had become someone people thought of as the odd man out in the neighborhood, walking around in a bathrobe, humming his own voice. And we, as a family, had changed forever.

After his diagnosis, Ben worked with his doctor to find a treatment plan that would help him through multiple oral medications and monthly injections. After years of chaos and confusion, we finally found a treatment that would reduce Ben’s symptoms and bring him back to us, in part.

At the end of my book, Behind His Voices: One Family’s Journey from the Chaos of Schizophrenia to Hope , I wrote that I had to fully accept the fact that my son would never work again. But today, thanks to a supportive treatment plan, I can happily eat some of those words. Ben, who has severe paranoid schizophrenia and has been through 8 psychiatric hospitalizations, 2 arrests, and 5 years in a group home away from his family, is now a proud taxpayer. He works as a waiter in a restaurant and is praised by customers in online reviews. He lives at home with us and is involved in family life. He has friends, drives a car, pays his bills on time, and has completed nearly 60 college credits.

It feels like a limited miracle—a miracle of (almost) mediocrity.

Here are four key pillars of supportive therapy that have supported Ben on his schizophrenia journey:

Treatment: Treatment plans are unique to each individual and should therefore be developed in collaboration with a healthcare professional. Finding a treatment plan that works can include medication, therapy and other elements.

Structure: Helps us all, but especially provides comfort to those whose thoughts are scattered.
Purpose: Vital to everyone’s mental health, not just those with mental illness. For Ben, this meant that his desire to live and thrive was always heightened when he was employed. Volunteering, school and now his job changed everything for him.

Love: Building relationships that provide love and support, such as family, friends and community.
We’ve come a long way together. But are we out of this? Not really.

There’s so much more that needs to be done. For example: enabling treatment choice, facilitating and funding the process of getting help, educating employers about mental illness and reducing stigma and increasing respect.

There are golden moments that remind us that he is “there” and has always been there, slightly obscured by the mists of his illness. Little moments of normality, like Ben laughing with us, buying his sister the perfect birthday present, or getting down on the floor and playing lovingly and comically with his nephews, sustain us.

After each day, we feel like we’ve bought another 24 hours of a somewhat normal life.

But we’ll take it. Because we know the alternative for Ben – hospitalization, homelessness, prison, or worse. And we don’t want to lose what we have, dangerous as it is.

Rebuilding, or what I call supportive therapy, is far from guaranteed. But it is possible. And it starts with faith, a vision, and a greater attention to the potential of those with mental illness – respect for them and their families.

Let’s all continue to work hard to restore that hope for people with schizophrenia and their families, and to change the expectations of schizophrenia.

A Random Thing Might Affect My Schizophrenia
I try to walk every day. Sometimes I pick up trash on the side of the road. You never know what you’re going to find.

I didn’t pick up a bag today to put my trash in because I felt like the sidewalk would be clean since the last time I picked up trash. But today I found a hammer while I was walking.

I picked up the hammer and held it for a moment and thought: There are several school bus stops on this road. There’s a high school a few blocks away. I kept walking with the hammer because I didn’t want any of the kids to get hurt by the hammer.

Sometimes I feel like Boo Radley in the movie “To Kill a Mockingbird” is a recluse. I don’t like feeling that way, so I try to be nice to my neighbors, say hello to them, and smile.

I kept walking to the intersection with the hammer in my hand and went back as usual. I just don’t usually carry a hammer.

Usually when something different happens in my life, my mind starts to wander. I wouldn’t call it a hallucination, I would just call it an image in my head. In this case, I saw a police car pull up in front of me. A police officer told me to put the hammer down and get on my knees. He also told me to put my hands on my head. I thought that this could all happen while my neighbors were watching me.

When these images or thoughts come up, I ignore them, but that doesn’t stop them from happening. Maybe it’s just me being a quiet dreamer.

Finally, I got to the top of the hill where my apartment was and waved to the maintenance crew driving golf carts. I told them that I had found the hammer on the street and that I didn’t want the kids to get hurt. They took the hammer and drove away. I did this thinking that I could still be arrested. But the police never came. I also thought that someone might have stolen my hammer, which was in my toolbox in my apartment. When I got back to my apartment, I checked my toolbox, thinking that the hammer should be gone, but it was still there.

These thoughts don’t mean that my medications aren’t working. I understand that my medications don’t always cure everything, and sometimes they don’t cure all paranoia. But I can ask myself questions to determine if this is reality or my “unrealism.” Schizophrenia is like a heavyweight fight, but it doesn’t knock me out. It can cause things inside me that I have to ignore or overcome, but I won’t respond to a delusion unless I have real proof that it’s real.

Signs That a Teen May Have Schizophrenia
When a child or teen first starts showing signs of mental illness, it’s not always clear what the diagnosis should be. And when it comes to mental illnesses like schizophrenia, parents and loved ones may feel even more uncertain about whether the symptoms they’re observing fit the diagnosis.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), approximately 2.4 million Americans live with schizophrenia, a chronic mental illness that affects a person’s ability to think clearly, manage emotions, and relate to others. It can also include symptoms such as delusions, hallucinations, and lack of motivation.

Schizophrenia most often begins in the late teens and early 30s (usually earlier in men than in women), and its incidence in children under the age of 13 is about 1 in 40,000. For children and teens, this means that their parents, guardians, teachers, or loved ones may be the first to notice the symptoms.

“For example, sometimes teens isolate themselves or have periods where they struggle in school,” she said. “Also, teens may try substances that can cause them to have [schizophrenia-like] symptoms.”

But it’s important to seek the right diagnosis so your loved one can get treatment and support. We asked them to share some signs they’ve noticed that they or their loved one is experiencing schizophrenia.

Disinterested and Isolated
Your loved one may lack goals or seem disinterested in what’s going on in their life and the world around them.

“He’s withdrawn. He’s kind of withdrawn from his family. He’s just staying in his room, not wanting to eat, talk, watch TV, or do anything else,” Missy wrote.

Strange Ideas and Delusions
A delusion is a belief in something that is false, but the person experiencing it believes it to be true despite widely accepted evidence to the contrary. A person with schizophrenia may have ideas and theories that seem strange and unrealistic. For example, this could mean confusing a movie with reality or thinking you can read minds or predict the future.

Irrational Paranoid Thoughts
They may think they are being watched, or that someone is trying to poison them, or that their home is bugged. Loss of insight or not realizing that they have a mental illness is also a common symptom of schizophrenia.

“I have schizophrenia, and the first symptom I noticed was being paranoid, but I didn’t really see it as a symptom because I had a loss of insight,”

Poor Performance in School
They may have trouble concentrating, keeping up grades, or being interested and invested in school.

“Imagine sitting in a classroom and the teacher is talking. But instead of listening to the teacher, you are listening to the voices in your head. I didn’t know at the time that they were voices. I thought I was just having vivid thoughts and visions,” Hammer wrote.

“Dulling” of Personality and Emotions
A person with schizophrenia may have a “blunting” of emotion, meaning they do not express their emotions on their face or with their voice, or they may appear unresponsive. Dubron described this symptom as a blank stare or a blank expression.

Hearing Voices
Hearing voices and other auditory hallucinations is the most common symptom of schizophrenia, and teens can certainly experience it.

“I started hearing voices when I was 16. It started with voices that sounded like I was in a crowded restaurant, and over the years, the voices evolved into four distinct male voices,”

“[My loved one] told me that when he gets really depressed, he can hear what people are really thinking about him in their head. Then he turned to me and said, ‘That happens to you, doesn’t it?’”

Talking to Themselves
If your loved one is hearing voices, they may start talking back to them and to an observer, it may seem like they’re talking to themselves. In a video he made for WebMD, Hammer explained what’s going on inside their head when it seems like they’re talking to themselves.
“It’s interesting to live in the city and have schizophrenia, because I’m walking down the street and I hear voices. So I think about the person talking to me in my head. But then, I start talking back to that person. And then maybe I’ll come around, look around, and it’s like five people are looking at me,”

If you notice these signs in your teen. These signs could be signs of other mental health issues, like depression or anxiety, or they could be a sign that your teen is going through the emotional roller coaster of high school. It’s a good idea to talk to people they interact with regularly, such as teachers, coaches, or close friends.

“What’s important to assess is whether the symptoms they’re experiencing are causing them to function poorly—that is, whether the symptoms are significantly impacting areas of their life (socially, academically, at home).”

If your child is experiencing psychotic symptoms, you should talk to their pediatrician or primary care doctor so they can potentially rule out other medical issues. Then, it’s important to get evaluated by a psychiatrist and find a therapist who specializes in psychotic disorders.

She suggested that parents should approach their children with love, compassion, and patience, because parent and family involvement can have a significant impact on the success of treatment. Educate yourself about your child’s triggers, and don’t forget to take care of yourself and reach out for support.

“Stability and routine are key to managing schizophrenia symptoms for affected individuals of all ages. Teaching children good self-care and health habits is recommended because diabetes, heart disease, and unhealthy lifestyle choices (smoking, lack of exercise, not going to the doctor) are more common in individuals with schizophrenia.”

When I was 16, I was diagnosed with prodromal schizophrenia. In some ways, it was a very scary time. I knew I could no longer trust the reality I was perceiving. I began to question everything I perceived. What was real? What was not real? How could I tell the difference? As a natural result of this questioning, I was forced to be analytical.

I found that the better you got at analyzing and explaining what was real, the easier it was to detect what was not real. Imagine this: a virus spreading around the world, a US President inciting an insurrection, and images of a man wearing gloves being spammed all over the internet. The real world can be a very strange place. But when you dig deep enough, there is a logical, factual explanation for most things. For example, let’s say you start to think that aliens have invaded Australia. Then you can’t find any verifiable, reputable sources to support such an idea. It might be a good idea to check if you are having a delusion.

The real world is a scary place.

As you may have noticed in a previous article, I have some absolutely crazy ideas floating around in my head. But these crazy thoughts are just a drop in the bucket when compared to the real events that are happening in this world that are equally terrifying. For example, I read a very official-looking news story about a zombie virus spreading on the East Coast of the United States. After about an hour of panicking and finally calming down, I found myself on a parody news site like The Onion when I did some more research.

It’s even harder to deal with parody and inexplicable pieces of news. Things like President Obama greenlighting the assassination of a US citizen or President Trump killing an Iranian general that could lead to another war in the Middle East. Both terrifying cases of abuse of executive power and very real things that are hard to ignore.

When being analytical isn’t enough.

In situations like the examples above, it can be hard not to go into full-on panic mode. The best you can do is tell yourself, “This is not my problem.” The more you do this, the more it will help to ease your fear. Realistically, the statement will usually be true. That’s not your problem. Are you a US General? No? Then that’s not your problem. Are you involved in military activities in the Middle East? No? Not your problem. Are you a politician who runs affairs in the Middle East? No? Say it with me! It’s. My. Problem. Not.

What People with Schizophrenia Want Others to Understand
Many people living with mental illness face stigma at some point. But a study by Indiana University found that stigma is especially strong against people with schizophrenia.

It doesn’t stop there: Only about 15 percent of people with schizophrenia in the United States are employed. About 70 percent of people with schizophrenia have experienced some form of discrimination. Only 46 percent of people say they would tell a friend if they were diagnosed with schizophrenia. And about 50 percent of people with schizophrenia have a form of unawareness called “anosognosia,” meaning they have no idea they have the condition.

Perhaps the most important statistic of all: While only 1 percent of the world’s population has schizophrenia, 100 percent of those people deserve respect.

We asked people in our community living with schizophrenia and related illnesses to tell us one thing they wish others understood.

“My mind can be louder than anything around me.”

“Living is not always easy. I’ve lived like this my whole life. You don’t trust people and you’re always scared. People don’t understand. Sometimes you need your space.”

“I have a chronic illness and that illness is schizoaffective disorder. That’s it. Ask me how I’m doing, if I’m taking care of myself, if I’m feeling good, if I need someone to talk to. Treat me like a human being because that’s who I am. I’m not a stereotype.”

“I’m in recovery, which means I’m going to do everything I can to overcome any obstacles I may face. It just makes me stronger.”

“It’s hard to name just one… I definitely want people to understand that just because I have schizophrenia doesn’t mean I’m not human. Words hurt. That joke about someone hallucinating or delusional is unacceptable. Your joke = my reality.”
“There is so much stigma around schizophrenia that many of us don’t tell people in our lives – friends, colleagues, even partners and family. Many of us rightly fear discrimination. We have to live our lives in secrecy, which means no one knows what we are going through and can’t help or support us when we need it. This means that people with schizophrenia are almost invisible in positive roles in society. I wish people understood more about schizophrenia and welcomed us so that we don’t have to hide it and fear people’s reactions.”

“Mental illness is not a character flaw; it is a strength. Of course, it takes a lot of personal commitment and support, but for those who can support their loved ones — you are changing a life. I am a person who receives and provides services; that is called lived experience, and my best quality is that I have no resentment. I could not have done it without the support of my sister.”

“I can be a good employee, wife, and mother with this diagnosis.”

“Sometimes I am not a danger to anyone but myself. I am alone. I suffer. I am scared, but I am not dangerous.”

“This is not an excuse. My diagnosis is real. I struggle every second of the day to grasp reality. If I could change it, I would; I don’t want to feel this way, but it is not my choice.”

“We have more similarities than differences.”

Schizophrenia Symptoms You Don’t Know
Schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder (a disorder characterized by symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder or depression) are complex disorders that are often popularized in the media. Schizophrenia is often stereotyped as experiencing hallucinations and/or delusions, and the other symptoms of the disorder are rarely mentioned.

To be diagnosed with schizophrenia, a person must exhibit two main core symptoms, but one of the symptoms must be hallucinating, experiencing delusions, or disorganized speech. The second symptom must be extreme disorganization or decreased emotional expression. While these are the hallmark symptoms of schizophrenia and are used at the time of diagnosis, there are a variety of other symptoms that are not regularly discussed. The following are symptoms that I have experienced as someone with schizoaffective disorder (depressive type), and they are common symptoms of both schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.

Social isolation.
Social isolation occurs when an individual has little or no social contact. Not being able to get help from others or maintain relationships, not being able to be with others in public are hallmarks of social isolation. In my experience, when I am struggling, I am unable to reach out to other people in my life when I need help and I am unable to maintain relationships. I also have social anxiety that increases during certain periods, so I cannot leave my house.

Believing that ordinary events have a special and personal meaning.

This symptom varies greatly from person to person. For example, an individual with this symptom may believe that they are receiving messages through the television or radio. In my experience, I have had episodes where I see numbers repeating and believe that something bad will happen to me when I see certain numbers. I often believe that numbers have special meanings and that they are telling me something when they appear in my life. This can be extremely stressful and I often struggle with paranoia.

Feeling disconnected from myself.
This is another symptom that is difficult to cope with and is often invisible. Depersonalization occurs when someone does not feel connected to their body or thoughts and feels that they have no control over them. In my experience, I often feel like I am not in my body and have a hard time feeling connected to myself, especially when I see reflections or pictures of myself. This symptom also makes it hard for me to understand my identity.

Fatigue.
Fatigue is a hallmark of many disorders and refers to feeling exhausted or worn out. In my experience, I have found it challenging to accept that I need more rest than most people and that I need extra sleep because of my fatigue. In fact, I still do. In our world, needing more rest is often seen as being lazy, but it is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with needing more rest. We all differ in how much rest and sleep we need, and if you or someone you love is experiencing fatigue, the best thing you can do is try to be understanding and kind.

Memory loss.
Memory loss is probably one of the most frightening symptoms I experience with schizoaffective disorder and is a common symptom of schizophrenia. Memory loss can be long-term and/or short-term. I have found that medication and therapy have helped me cope with my memory loss, but it is an ongoing process.

Schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are rare, serious mental illnesses that present with a wide range of symptoms. The symptoms I discuss in this article are some of the most common symptoms I experience with my diagnosis, but there are many more that make each person’s experience unique. I hope that by discussing the various symptoms of these illnesses, we can debunk the stereotypes that exist in our society. Listen to someone’s story before you make assumptions. This is an incredibly important practice.

Most of us wake up in the morning with invisible weights on our shoulders. Somehow, we manage to get through the day without anyone realizing anything is wrong.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and over time, many things happened that I wasn’t prepared for. Here are a few things that other people don’t know about being “high-functioning” with an “invisible” disorder.

Sometimes, it can be overwhelming for others to understand.

They’ll just chalk it up to a “bad day,” not realizing it’s every day for you. Not being able to truly connect with someone can often leave you feeling lonely and misunderstood.

You’ll silently deal with things that others don’t really know.

This morning, I woke up hallucinating dead bodies of people and dogs. At first, I thought I was dead too. I had to talk myself into it because I had to go to class and then work a nine-hour shift. I tried to smile at work while silently coping with the ongoing hallucinations. Many of you may be dealing with these things or physical pain. It is not easy for everyone.

People may not believe you.
My mother had lupus and no one believed her because she “didn’t look sick.” No one believes me because I don’t sit around mumbling and drooling. Many of you may have been told things like “you are a fraud” or “you are lying.” What you are going through is very real and you are not being “dramatic” or “negative.”

There are many things that we all face every day in the struggle to just exist that the world will never understand. I am telling you this now, you are not alone.

You are valid and you are amazing.

Exercise Helps Reduce Symptoms of Schizophrenia
We all have priorities in our lives. Priorities define our actions and provide direction for daily activities. Priorities can include following the advice of family, friends, doctors, and taking care of your own needs and care. Given my mental health diagnosis, taking prescribed medications and exercising regularly are top priorities for me. In this article, I will focus on the importance of exercise.

I exercise for a variety of reasons. Exercise is good for my body, especially my heart and lungs. As blood circulation increases, I often experience a sense of well-being or happiness. Another reason I exercise is to clear my head of symptoms, such as hearing voices, seeing inexplicable visuals, and unexpected emotions. After a day on the treadmill, the symptoms subside, I usually smile, and I feel motivated to continue lifting weights and exercising.

Exercise also helps reduce the feelings of aggression associated with my schizophrenia diagnosis. Aggression and feelings of hopelessness can arise due to my mental health issues. The more angry I get, the more I exercise. This is much better for me than participating in negative actions and holding all those unproductive thoughts inside.

Sometimes it’s important to add variety to my exercise routine. I also do kickboxing because it’s another way to reduce stress and increase my sense of well-being. I usually think about the size of the class I’ll be attending. I prefer to work with fewer people because it reduces my anxiety. On Tuesdays, at 4:45 p.m., only a handful of people attend.

I love kickboxing so much that I recently got a free t-shirt for attending 200 sessions in my class. The instructor’s listing of my accomplishments on the board and putting on my boxing gloves and punching the bag motivates me. The class also includes other exercises like push-ups and crunches. Sometimes, mild symptoms can occur, but they soon go away because I’m doing the intense exercise and sweat dripping off my forehead.

On the surface, I don’t tell anyone about my schizophrenia. The other students in the class are acquaintances. I enjoy seeing the same faces, especially when they have completed 100 to 200 classes. The end of a class is winning the battle against a sedentary lifestyle and isolating myself in my apartment. The anger I felt about having a serious mental illness like schizophrenia has subsided. The instructor motivates us by saying, “Remember why you came here.”

After I exercise, I like to write down what I did on my calendar. I exercise four to five times a week and try to finish strong at the end of each week. After completing a week of exercise, I am motivated to continue exercising the following week. After four weeks, my calendar reminds me of my exercise achievements throughout the month. When exercise becomes a routine, I often feel guilty for not exercising. However, I have to be careful not to over-exercise.

Focusing on my exercise stimulates my brain and my symptoms usually disappear. Exercise fills in the gaps created by schizophrenia. I can’t think of a reason to stop exercising because it can be as good as therapy for me.

Influential People Who Have Coped with Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia has such a bad reputation in the media that it’s often hard to imagine a fulfilling life after a diagnosis. Although schizophrenia affects about 1% of the population, the National Alliance to End Homelessness reports that people with schizophrenia make up up to 20% of the homeless population.

According to WebMD, schizophrenia spectrum disorder (SSD) can make it difficult to work and function due to symptoms such as hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech, social withdrawal, and other behaviors. Many people with schizophrenia experience anosognosia, which means that the person is unaware of the severity of their condition. However, negative stereotypes about people with schizophrenia are not necessarily true. Every individual has the power to change the stereotype for the better, and here are a few who have lived with a psychotic disorder and thrived:

Elyn Saks
You may have seen Elyn Saks in her TED talk “A Tale of Mental Illness” or in her memoir “The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness.” She is a respected university professor at the University of Southern California, where she advocates for better mental health laws. Her schizophrenia did not prevent her from amassing an impressive academic record at Vanderbilt, Oxford, and Yale, where she earned her law degree. Elyn Saks won a MacArthur Genius Grant in 2009 for her memoir. Her activism is closely intertwined with her professionalism, as her other work includes advocating for the rights of people with mental illness. Despite struggling with multiple hospitalizations over the years, she has achieved success in her career and love life, and lives with her husband in California.

Eleanor Longden
You may know Eleanor Longden from her TED talk ‘Voices in My Head’, which has been viewed over five million times. She is currently a postdoctoral researcher at the Psychosis Research Unit at the University of Manchester. Drawing on her own experiences with schizophrenia and psychosis, she advocates for more holistic approaches to treating auditory hallucinations and other symptoms of psychosis. She advocates empowering patients in their own personal health strategies, which contradicts many of the conventional treatment plans used by doctors who tend to leave their patients in the dark due to anosognosia or a perceived lack of understanding of their condition.

Esme Weijun Wang
Esme Wang is a rising newcomer to the schizophrenia activism movement. She made a splash in the world of mental health in 2019 when she published ‘The Collected Schizophrenias’, a collection of essays that recount her first-hand experiences with schizoaffective disorder. The disorder didn’t stop her from graduating from Stanford, becoming a New York Times Bestseller, and becoming an independent queer and femme business owner with a personal brand that helps “ambitious people with limitations.” Her book explores many of the challenges that people with psychotic disorders often face: deciding whether to have children, how to tailor their work lives to best suit their needs, and navigating higher education when elite schools discriminate against people with mental illness. She currently lives in San Francisco with her husband.

John Forbes Nash Jr.
Sylvia Nasar’ın “A Beautiful Mind” kitabını izlediyseniz veya okuduysanız, bu adamın kim olduğunu biliyorsunuzdur. 2015 yılında ölen Nash, üretken bir matematikçi ve ekonomistti ve 1994 yılında oyun teorisi üzerine yaptığı çalışmalardan ötürü iki teorisyenle birlikte Nobel Ödülü kazandı. Nasar, kitapta şizofreni ile olan hayat boyu mücadelesini anlatıyor. Hastalık onu yetişkin hayatı boyunca takip ediyor ve onunla birlikte Princeton’a ve ötesine seyahat ediyor ve günlerinin çoğunu çığır açan matematik prensipleri geliştirerek geçiriyor. Profesör ve akademisyen olarak başarılı bir kariyere sahip oldu ancak bu, birçoğu istemsiz olan birçok hastaneye yatış olmadan gerçekleşmedi. Nash sonunda birçok başarı elde etti ve en sevdiği şeyi yaparak zamanının tadını çıkardı.

Bu insanlar en görünür ve ünlü olsalar da, tek olanlar onlar değil. Toplumun her kesiminden, her kesimden birçok insan, şizofrenileriyle ilgili olarak koşullarına ve yaşamlarına göre yaşam alanlarında başarılar elde ediyor. Birinin derecesini alması, şizofreni topluluğu için önemli bir başarıyı garantilemeye yeter. Şizofreni hastaları için savunuculuk yapan birçok psikotik bozukluğu olan terapist vardır ve ruh sağlığı alanındaki tüm profesyoneller şizofreni hastaları için giderek daha iyi rehabilitasyon stratejileri geliştirmektedir. Curesz Vakfı ve Ulusal Ruhsal Hastalıklar İttifakı (NAMI) gibi kuruluşlar, başarı hikayelerini halka açık web sitelerinde yayınlamaktadır.

Yakın zamanda psikotik bir bozukluk teşhisi konduysa, bunun hayatınızın tüm hırsları için bir ölüm fermanı olmadığını unutmayın. İyileşme, bozuklukla yaşamanın önemli bir sürecidir, ancak bunun sonunda buna değeceğini gördüm.

As I mentioned in a previous post about using honesty as a self-diagnosis tool, one of the most insidious symptoms of the mental disorder schizophrenia is that you don’t recognize that you are experiencing symptoms.

Schizophrenia is, among other things, a state of low functioning, hallucinatory, unmotivated, and generally constant suffering. The symptoms I just mentioned are a drop in the bucket compared to the many symptoms that may be present at the same time.

When you don’t recognize your symptoms, this constant suffering can feel normal. Your sense of normalcy is inadequate. If someone else were in your schizophrenic shoes, their life would likely be turned upside down. They wouldn’t know what to do with themselves, and it would be devastating for them. However, this is your normal day-to-day life when you have schizophrenia, and it has probably been for some time.

Thinking this way can make a person more likely to not get the support they need. This is something I did for years. I refused to do group therapy, I refused to receive disability benefits. I forced myself into jobs that were bad for my health. Refusing support allowed me to persist in the mindset that I was just as capable as anyone else. As a result, this led to psychotic episodes and preventable suffering.

You need support, even if you don’t think you need it
That’s why it’s important to look at your life objectively and without judgment – ??get support when you need it, even if you don’t think you need it. This includes applying for disability income support from your state/provincial or federal government. The truth is, these types of supports are specifically for people with schizophrenia. If you have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, you are entitled to these supports and there is no shame in receiving them.

If you are embarrassed to receive these supports, think of it this way – your taxes pay for them. Have you ever had a job? You have been taxed. You just get your money back. If you have never had a job before, that’s fine. You can think of this financial support as an incubator. You are using this support as you develop the skills to manage your schizophrenia effectively. When your mental health condition is managed effectively, you can be a contributing member of society who pays taxes and in turn helps others get the support they need. Now, who wouldn’t want that?

In this article by Alison Hayes, she outlines the social cost of the stigma around welfare. It can be painful to answer questions like “What do you do?” You can be honest and tell the truth. Or, you can think of your income support as funding for an entrepreneurial venture. You use your support to start your own business as an artist, craftsman, coder, or any hobby that can be considered a job.

Schizophrenia is a mental health disorder, but it’s not a sign of shame
For me, it’s not a lie to claim to be a professional when you’re not. I’ve long considered myself a professional writer, even though it’s a hobby for me.

They say, “Fake it until you make it.” And in my case, that was absolutely true. There’s no shame in calling yourself a professional if you’re actively developing the skills that will eventually make you a legitimate professional.

The truth is that you can take any of your limitations and give them legitimate definitions of what they are and still appear normal. If you look at anything about your life objectively and without judgment, you are living just like everyone else. The only difference is that you are severely hampered in your daily life by a disability. Would you judge someone in a wheelchair for having trouble climbing stairs? I think not.

The Schizophrenic Who Feels Unlovable
While the stigma surrounding mental illness has diminished as more people become educated about mental health and seek their own care, there is still a lot of stigma around certain disorders, one of which is schizophrenia.

If you have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder and feel unlovable, this is for you.

I have been officially diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (a disorder that is marked by symptoms of schizophrenia as well as depression or bipolar disorder) for about a year now, but I have struggled with my symptoms since childhood. I was incredibly scared and ashamed after receiving my schizoaffective diagnosis. My fear was that I would be viewed differently by the people in my life, and in some cases, this was true. The media tends to stereotype schizophrenia as a scary disorder, and it is often used in horror movie plots that portray the person with schizophrenia as a “monster.” Those with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder are also often portrayed as dangerous or “crazy” and this has created fear in the general public and those close to us.

But I am here, I understand what you are going through and I am sending you all my love. I am here to tell you that you are loved. You matter. And you are a light in this world.

You have a mental illness, but it does not have to be your defining factor – it is simply an aspect of who you are and does not determine whether you are lovable or not.

You are lovable just as you are – and have been for the entirety of your existence. There are so many people in the schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder community waiting to embrace you, empathize with you and tell you that you are not alone. We are here to support you, to see you and to help you cope with your illness in a safe space where there is no judgment or shame.

It is possible to live a full life with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder and although you may face stigma around your illness, not everyone will treat you this badly. You can use your experiences to educate others and raise awareness of what schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder are really like, and you can find some strength through your story.

You may be feeling like you are in a dark and dark place right now. I understand. I have been there too many times to count, but please know that there is a light just beyond the darkness, and I hope my words help you look for it. I am waiting for you, to tell you that you are loved and that you matter, and I am waiting here with open arms, like so many others in this community.

You do not deserve to feel unloved or unimportant because you have been diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. The world still does not fully understand these diagnoses, and they will manifest differently from person to person. Do not allow others to define you according to their own stereotypes and prejudices about these illnesses. You do not owe anyone an explanation, but you can use your story to empower yourself, and I strongly encourage you to speak up and express it.

My words come from a place of complete love and compassion. I am passionate about making sure you do not feel unloved because of your illness, because that is simply not true. If nothing else, please know that I love you, I see you, and I am here for you when you are ready to be seen.

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I can do everything I am supposed to do, like take medication, eat right, and have a good sleep schedule, but I can still experience some paranoia. One of the things that has helped me cope with my paranoia is reading about other people’s experiences with paranoia. When I read what they have experienced, it’s an “aha” moment – ??“Oh, I’m not the only one who has this symptom.”

A few days ago, I drove to the dry cleaners to pick up some stuff. I assumed they would be open. Even though I was early, the doors were locked. As I was leaving, I saw a car with a license plate that said “Army Veteran” on it. I immediately thought this person was the owner of the dry cleaners, and somehow they had heard me coming and closed early, so I couldn’t get to the dry cleaners. I had paranoia on the way home. I saw people in their cars and thought they were wondering what I was going to do next. I really had to focus and block out the paranoia so I could get home safely.

Sometimes during my paranoid thoughts, I hear voices. A voice says, “You’re not schizophrenic,” and it makes me laugh. I first started hearing it when I was leaving the military, but I still hear it occasionally.

Part of my paranoia has to do with a girlfriend I had years ago. Sometimes at night, there are cars with their headlights on in front of my sliding glass door, and I think they’re her friends following me. I look at them for a few seconds and try to block out the paranoia. What helps me cope with this type of paranoia is to distract myself by listening to jazz or watching TV.

I can get paranoid when I see people around my car in the parking lot. I know no one is messing with my car, but it’s hard to come to that conclusion when I’m paranoid. When they finally leave, I get out, walk to my car, and examine the scene. I check the tires and the paint, to make sure everything is in order. I can avoid this paranoia by looking for evidence. I live in a very safe neighborhood, and the parking lot is well lit. I park under a street light, so there’s no logical reason to think someone vandalized my car.

When I drive, I often think I’m being followed. On days when I don’t get much mail, I can easily get caught up in thinking someone has taken my mail. When I use my credit or debit card on the phone, I get anxious because I fear someone is listening in. I’ve had occasions where I think someone in the kitchen has contaminated my food before it’s served to me. I always get paranoid when I see a police officer, so I’ve conditioned myself to take a deep breath and wave at them.

I’ve talked about some ways I cope with my paranoid thoughts. Sometimes, I call my family to talk about the incident that’s worrying me. One of the most important ways I cope with my paranoia is to examine the evidence. I ask myself questions about the reality or unreality of what’s happening. I also practice being present by focusing on what’s real around me. What can I hear, see, touch, or feel?

Those of us diagnosed with schizophrenia can get lost in the symptoms of paranoia, but for me, it’s important to ground myself in reality – what’s happening around me. I experience paranoia because of my diagnosis, and for no other reason. Reading stories of paranoia helps me understand that this is a common symptom in the schizophrenia community. By sharing our personal stories without fear, we learn how to confront our paranoia.

There’s More to My Schizophrenia Than Voices and Hallucinations
With my last change of medication and more recently my increased dosage, I remember suffering from a lack of energy, motivation, and sexual desire more than I was bombarded with voices and the occasional visual hallucination.

Schizophrenia—especially schizoaffective disorder for me—is much more than just positive symptoms. In life, in the media, and among my peers and family, I’ve seen these positive symptoms over-represented in discussing and understanding not only my schizophrenia, but also schizophrenia as an illness that affects so many others. People often assume that if a person with schizophrenia isn’t actively psychotic or hallucinating, they must be fine. For some, this isn’t the case. There are days when I have to really, really fight with myself to get something done. I don’t have the motivation or drive to do something as simple as a quick homework assignment, or doing the dishes becomes a monumental task. Some days I feel like I’m floating; like I’m outside my body and can’t connect enough to get dressed. Other days, I’m filled with a huge void so deep and dark that I have to search for myself again. Through dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), I’ve learned to cope with my hallucinations. I’ve learned to process them in a way that allows me to live with them instead of fighting them. But no amount of coping or awareness gives me the energy to do what I need to do. It’s a miracle I’m not falling behind. I spend most of the day fighting myself for 10-minute tasks, half asleep, trying to force myself out of bed when I want to give up. And it’s not easy.

How would you describe a complete lack of motivation? It’s a feeling of absence, of want, of need, but not being able to find it. It’s wishing someone would tie a rope around your waist and you could follow them. Needing to do something and not being able to do it. Struggling with an invisible part of yourself. And it’s endless.

I’m good at keeping up appearances. It takes an hour to clean the house, and I spend six hours trying to convince myself to get up and do it. But eventually, it gets done. It’s easy to take a nice Instagram photo and write a nice caption. No one needs to know. Even if they did, I wonder if they really get it.

You hear a lot of people say, “It’s okay if all you do today is breathe.” But they don’t understand the shame of just breathing when the world is moving without you. It’s okay if all you do is breathe. Sometimes, all you can really, honestly do is breathe. It’s okay if all you do is take a shower, do a few dishes, or finish a paper. It’s okay even if you don’t feel good. I think people who say these things often don’t understand the incredible burden of illness. The incredible agony of trying so hard and not achieving anything.

I get it.

And that’s really okay.

Just breathe.

Tomorrow is not going anywhere.

(From You)In 2007, I had spent three years in college, was at the height of my cross country career, was a Dean’s List student, and was a youth coach. My life took a 180-degree turn when I started experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. Early in my journey and before I received a proper diagnosis from a healthcare provider, I struggled with feelings of depression, intense paranoia, and psychosis. At the time, I didn’t know what a hallucination was, so when I heard voices, I thought other people were talking about me. I didn’t realize the voices weren’t real, so I did my best to rationalize what was happening and find ways to move on with my life without the help of medical professionals. To make matters worse, as a black woman, the stigma around mental health was something I had witnessed in my community since childhood. The thought of sharing my experiences made me anxious, and nothing could have prepared me for the widespread inaccurate and deeply hurtful judgments I would encounter in the communities where I once felt safest.

At age 22, I reached a low point when I found myself in the midst of a psychotic episode. I ran away from my family and support system, was arrested on felony charges, and ended up in the hospital for six months due to my schizophrenia symptoms. In the hospital, I was finally diagnosed and forced to confront my illness to understand how I ended up in prison at the height of my college career. While in the hospital, I took medication for the first time in my life. What I learned from this is that when you have the right treatment regimen and support systems in place, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I worked with several different psychiatrists until I found someone I trusted and who could see me where I was. Together, after some trial and error, we found the right treatment plan. By finding and sticking to the right medications, and leaning on my friends and family for love and support, I was able to change my mindset about recovery and begin sharing what I had learned to help others.

For a long time, I kept my diagnosis secret and private. I was often looked down upon in my community because of the pervasive and harmful myth that those living with schizophrenia are violent or dangerous. For the past 16 years, I have made it my focus to block out the negative noise and advocate for myself and others living with this mental health diagnosis by sharing my story and educating my community about what it really means to live with schizophrenia as a Black woman. I now know how important it is for others to hear my story, so I started a blog called Overcoming Schizophrenia to share my experience and help offer an alternative to the harmful stereotypes we hear and read so often.

In the process, I have come out of my shell and my diagnosis is no longer a secret. Instead, I want to share my journey with others. Today, I actively work with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and have been a peer counselor for various organizations for the past decade. I have also worked with law enforcement to educate them about the stigmas associated with schizophrenia; a full circle moment from my early diagnosis days. I hope to continue working on advocacy projects with my local community and even one day with Congress so that I can continue to debunk the myths about schizophrenia and show that recovery is possible. Schizophrenia is a complex and completely misunderstood illness, so I’ve made it a priority to be active in the community and have written several books about my experience, from how I coped with my diagnosis to the benefits of therapy in addition to medication. The one I’m most proud of is my latest book, a journal about loving your soul, with thirty prayers and self-assessment questions.

If you are reading this story and are struggling to find hope and community after a schizophrenia diagnosis, know that there is a way forward and that you are not alone. I hope that it inspires others to seek out the help that is available to you on your path to recovery. My journey has not always been easy, but I am now focused on my own journey of personal growth, balance, and healing. Therapy, healthy coping skills, and the support I have found through writing about my experiences on my blog have helped me on my journey to recovery. I still struggle at times, but because time has shown me that I am resilient, I know that I can overcome the challenges I face. And so are you. Learn as much as you can about schizophrenia, find your people and a treatment plan, surround yourself with good people, and give yourself all the love you need. With support and the right treatment regimen, there is hope for recovery. And please know that I am supporting you!

You are not alone.

‘Harmless’ Comments That Really Hurt People With Schizophrenia
When it comes to schizophrenia, many people are more familiar with the stereotypes and stigmas than the reality. They’ve probably seen the sensationalized version of schizophrenia portrayed in movies, but they don’t realize how dramatically different it is from a real person’s experience of living with schizophrenia.

Unfortunately, this uneducated perspective sometimes manifests itself in offhand comments and lighthearted questions that may seem innocent but are actually quite hurtful to someone with schizophrenia. If you have schizophrenia, you know how devastating it can be when someone makes a comment that (whether knowingly or unknowingly) implies that you are dangerous or untrustworthy.

The only way for people to learn what comments to avoid when talking about schizophrenia is for those of us who know better, who know how hurtful and inaccurate these stereotypes and assumptions can be, to expose them.

“My psychologist at the time told me that I didn’t look like schizophrenia and therefore it wasn’t possible for me to be schizophrenic.”

“It must be nice to always have someone to talk to.”

“When I told a friend this week that I was having a really hard time because I was having really strong hallucinations, she responded with the weirdest comment I’ve ever received. They said they were jealous because my brain was ‘making things up.’”

“What kind of drugs do you do?”

“When I moved in with my boyfriend and a couple of roommates, one of our roommates asked me if I would try to hurt or kill someone or anything because I have schizoaffective disorder and I got angry or something like that. It hurts my feelings a lot.”

“Stop trying to manipulate or manipulate other people.”

“‘I’m glad I don’t have schizophrenia, I’m just happy I’m depressed.’ That’s just offensive because it’s degrading. It’s a nasty insult and it treats schizophrenia as a terrible, debilitating disease that can never be cured or live a normal life. And who says I’m not more stable than you?”

“Are you going to go crazy and hurt someone?”

“[My priest] told me that his nephew, who has schizophrenia, was getting worse with medication because ‘he has a demon.’ He explained that it was either demonic possession or compulsion. I told him that people had tried to perform exorcisms on me before, but they didn’t work because I wasn’t possessed. His response was, ‘If you find someone who knows what they’re doing, it works.’”

“A sarcastic comment — ‘Did you miss your meds?’”

“Saying that people with schizophrenia have multiple personalities (which is not even a diagnosis anymore, and even if it was, it has nothing to do with the symptoms of schizophrenia).”

“Calling people who hear voices ‘imaginary friends.’”

“I often hear the word ‘psychotic’ misused. Having hallucinations, delusions, or disorganized thoughts is psychotic — psychosis is a serious symptom, not an insult.”

“Tin foil hats [and] jokes about wearing straitjackets.”

“When I hear someone describe someone with schizophrenia as a ‘schizo’ in a derogatory tone, it takes away some of the resilience and self-acceptance that I’ve worked so hard to build.”

If you’re having a hard time with schizophrenia symptoms, the easiest and most effective therapy I’ve found for schizophrenia is to take medications prescribed by your doctor or psychiatrist for decades. The Mayo Clinic, a respected organization I trust most for medical truth, calls medications “the cornerstone of schizophrenia treatment.” Taking medications for the first time can be a scary experience, but the benefits are undeniable. Over time, taking your medications can become second nature. Like brushing your teeth or making dinner.

You Don’t Have to Lose Your Creativity

One of the most frustrating myths I’ve heard about taking medications is that you’ll lose your creativity. Sorry for my language, but what a load of nonsense. As I make clear in my YouTube video , fuck the stigma around medications. In my experience, this simply isn’t true. Of course, medications for mental illness often have sedative side effects. As a result, you may be less inclined to pursue your creative pursuits because you’re sleeping too much. This can be balanced by working with your psychiatrist to find a dose that minimizes the sedative.

Finding what works for you

The best therapy for schizophrenia is not the same for everyone.

For me, an antipsychotic is absolutely terrible. I get angry every time I think about it, much less talk about it. This drug was not for me. But don’t let that stop you from trying an antipsychotic yourself. I have met some people who have had incredible success with it. It saved their lives. For me, I felt like it ruined mine. The most important lesson from this: If the side effects of the medication are disrupting your life too much, don’t be afraid to ask your psychiatrist to try something else. There are plenty of medications on the market. The sooner you find one that works, the sooner you can get closer to living a “normal” life.

Beware of long-term side effects

For only a few months, I was on an atypical antipsychotic as my therapy for schizophrenia. Within just two to three months, I noticed that my jaw had become extremely tight. To this day, I have continued to have problems with my jaw for just that short period of time. Be aware of side effects and work with your doctor to stop any regimens that may cause long-term damage.

Another example of this is medications that cause weight gain. Even people who are naturally thin can gain too much weight. If this weight gain cannot be controlled with diet and exercise, you may need to talk to your doctor about reducing your dosage or switching to something else. Don’t wait too long for something like this. Uncontrolled weight gain often results in diabetes, a life-long and life-changing disease.

A Family Perspective on Schizophrenia Support and Treatment
For the past forty years, my family has supported my brother who has schizophrenia. Together with my parents and sister, we have experienced the challenges that families face when caring for loved ones with mental illness and navigating the complexities of our healthcare system. It hasn’t always been easy to talk about, but I think our family story will resonate with many who have lived through this experience in silence.

My brother’s mental illness became apparent in his early 20s. He had always been very bright, had an excellent memory to this day, and loved music, partying, and fashion. But he began to struggle greatly in college, eventually failing to graduate or find a job. This may be true in many cases; mental health issues first become apparent during college, when many individuals are living on their own, away from familiar surroundings. This is yet another reason why it is so important for university leaders to be educated about this challenge and equipped to provide more support.

My father was very frustrated by my brother’s difficulties; he assumed that my brother was just being lazy and not giving his full all. Doctors initially thought he might be manic depressive and gave him medication that probably had the opposite effect. But in his mid-20s, he was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Frankly, I think a complicating factor was that we are Asian American. There is often a greater stigma in our society about talking about issues like mental health; we rarely discuss them openly, even with close family. I am glad that there is much more awareness today about the need to address mental health issues openly, but we still have a long way to go.

When my parents died, my sister Corinne took on the primary responsibility of being his caregiver, and I became a close partner, helping out as much as I could. I vividly remember the time when I started working in the pharmaceutical industry and learning so much more about schizophrenia and the therapies available; even in my experience outside of work trying to help him and navigating a fragmented system to get help, I found that there was no clear source of help; our family had to pay out of pocket for many of the things my brother needed, without realizing that there were many state and government services and subsidies for people living with serious mental illnesses. In fact, I recently came across managed long-term services and supports (MLTSS), a Medicaid program that facilitates the delivery of home health care, long-term care, and services. It was only a few years ago that my brother was also able to access community behavioral care centers, which provided him with ongoing socialization, group therapy, and other support services.

Overall, the situation is improving today, with caregiving and online communities coming together to share both resources and a sympathetic ear, but there is still a lack of available information, especially for families who are not very tech-savvy as more and more services become digital.

My brother’s story highlights the importance of getting mental health issues properly diagnosed and treated as appropriate as possible. When my brother was given the appropriate medications—in his case, long-acting injections—we saw a huge improvement as he became more social, talkative, practiced better hygiene, and was highly functional. He now lives on his own with daily supervision from my sister and local community healthcare through Medicaid and MLTSS.

I will always be grateful to my sister Corinne and my brother-in-law Wally for everything they have done and continue to do for my brother. Several years have passed, and to this day, it has fallen to them to act as his primary caregiver—from daily tasks like reminding him to bathe him, cut his nails, maintain his living space, and take his medications. I cannot emphasize enough how much of an impact having this daily presence in his life has had on him—something my sister continues to do. For example, even with access to assistance like food stamps, there is still a need for someone to take him to the grocery store or shop for him. There will always be a need for caregivers, and we should celebrate them. I also hope that caregivers prioritize taking care of themselves. I am reminded of the words of the late First Lady Rosalynn Carter: “There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who are caregivers, those who are caregivers now, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.”

My advice to families struggling with this challenge is to talk to as many people as possible. Connect with others who have been in your shoes and learn what has worked for them. Fight the stigma of mental illness. It is heartbreaking for me to remember that in the early days of my brother’s diagnosis, our relatives came to our house and my family hid him in another room, perhaps because of a misconception about how to protect him. It is very important that we do not exclude those living with schizophrenia. Today, we are very open about all of this and will not allow the social stigma to have a strong hold on us.

By sharing our experiences openly and opening our hearts, we hope to make the journey a little easier for people like my brother and his family in the future and not be ashamed to share their experiences openly.

When I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, my first reaction was, “No, that’s not me.” It probably stemmed from what I thought mental illness was. I was afraid I would be put in a straitjacket. I thought I would be isolated from the world. I eventually came to the conclusion that someone with schizophrenia needed to get help or it would end up on the local news.

My First Day

I still had my sunglasses on when I entered the small room. My platoon sergeant was behind me, and I noticed that the man waiting for us had a name tag that said “Doctor.” I was wearing my sunglasses because without them, my illness would spread. This meant that my reality would be established through extrasensory channels, and that one person could talk to another person without them being there.

Suddenly, while the Navy doctor was asking me questions, my platoon sergeant shouted.

“Take off your sunglasses!”

Which was exactly what I couldn’t do.

I slowly removed my sunglasses, accustomed to following orders. And so it began… The doctor could now hear everyone I had made eye contact with over the past few months. The doctor sighed. I was sure the voices had made contact with him.

I was given pajamas to wear and sent to a room in the psychiatric ward that I would share with three other people. This was a psychiatric ward. Never in a million years would I have thought I would find myself in such a place. I was terrified, but I accepted it no matter what.

My platoon sergeant had driven me from Fort Irwin in the Mojave Desert, California, to Balboa Naval Hospital in San Diego. I felt a sense of relief during the long drive to the hospital. I had to be on my guard at all times on my army base. I didn’t trust anyone around me there. I had made eye contact with all my fellow soldiers, and so the voices affected them as well.

A few things I experienced in the military may have helped me develop the powers I have now.

I was stationed at Fort Knox during basic and advanced training. One night, we were training in the M3A3 Bradley fighting vehicle, the Calvary reconnaissance main weapon. There were three of us on the same track. I think I was driving at my best. Of course, this was before my special forces got to me. Everything was fine until I got to the back of this vehicle and there was a broken seat belt in my seat, so I tied the two ends around me. The driver in front of me looked crazy behind the wheel. He hit a bump and I hit my head on a bar above my head.

I blacked out for a second. When I woke up, the ride was over. But the person sitting next to me was crying. I think he thought I was dead. He stopped crying when I moved.

The second incident was at Fort Irwin. I was in the field during a rotation and my team of soldiers were parked in a line.

It was getting dark and someone called me. I went and suddenly I noticed five men trying to wrap duct tape around my body. I pushed and kicked everyone who tried to tape me up. It took another soldier (from another team) who was bigger and stronger than me to knock me out. Imagine fighting for your life and losing. That was the beginning. I was the new guy. They also taped up another guy I came with, but not as bad. They didn’t tape his mouth shut like they did mine.

The experience split my soul into two realities. There was a daily reality and a purely mental reality. The reality I explained. The reality that motivated me to go to mental health so I could understand what this really was. Part of me thought this was another step in evolution.

I was later honorably discharged. My behavior at home was so erratic that my parents had to call the police. They took me away in handcuffs. It was a tough thing to get through, but I am grateful for that experience now because I got the treatment I deserved. I was finally on medication.

Antipsychotic Tangents

It got to this point…

The voices surrounded me like wasps in the spring.
Kissing women… the buzz of love
Beating in my chest.
Feast your eyes alone,
And hear God’s voice.
Whispers and tantrums,
Like bacon sizzling in your brain;
Finding rhythm in hallucinations
Depicting voices moving like a projector
Stopping and dispersing on a single green pill,
Creating a lonely circle.

This is my poem about schizophrenia. “It’s come to this” speeds the reader along. Sometimes the voices seem like wasps. Every sting is a voice. When I made eye contact with a woman, I would often feel a burning sensation in my chest, which I thought was because she was in love. The warm feeling was called the love buzz. Those who made eye contact with me could see me in their minds as “Lonely,” just as I could see them in my head. I also thought I could hear God’s voice. It was calming and soothing. Sometimes the voices were whispers and sometimes they seemed frantic. The voices that shared my brain could be likened to bacon sizzling in the background. The hallucinations in my mind raced with a rhythm like boom, boom, boom. Some voices could act as a projector, helping me weigh my delusions.

Stopping or perhaps dissolving into a green pill, an antipsychotic. When the medication starts to work and the voices and delusions subside, I think the person living with schizophrenia feels alone. They have been dependent on them for a long time and the voices probably make them feel important. I hope they don’t stop taking their medication.

How Can I Help My Family and Others Understand Schizophrenia

I am not a mental health professional. I have great respect for the profession.

I recently read an article about psychiatry. The first sentence describes how difficult it is for a person to accept that a loved one has a psychotic disorder.

I have never thought much about my family. How do they carry this burden? I am sure that part of this is whether the mental health consumer has a roof over their head or whether they are taking their medication. I am sure my parents would want me to communicate how I am feeling and whether I am taking my medication. They would also want to know that I need to be alone when I am feeling anxious, just as I would want to know that it is okay to take a few minutes to myself.

My family would also want to know that I am taking good care of myself. Your job as a mental health consumer is to tell your doctor that you are okay or that you have symptoms. You also need to continue taking your medications.

That sentence from the article I read may help others. If someone doesn’t understand what it’s like to know someone with a mental illness, ask them, “What would happen if your father, mother, brother, sister, husband, or wife was diagnosed with schizophrenia?”

Their world as they know it would be over. Many people don’t understand schizophrenia and they may not know who to talk to. My mother searched the internet and tried to find everything she could about it. There are different groups that a loved one can go to for help or even empathy.

If you don’t understand schizophrenia, just try to understand your family and friends. What are they going through? It’s important to know the simple truth that it’s no one’s fault.

If I were to describe schizophrenia, I would describe it this way: Schizophrenia is a struggle with false impulses. They just come to you. You have to constantly struggle with the unreal.

Sometimes I go to Arby’s. I order through the drive-thru. Monday is roast beef, Tuesday is turkey, Wednesday is roast chicken, and Thursday is meatloaf. There are also four sides and cake. I tell them what I want on any given day and immediately I think they’ve spit on my food or done something else. I look around the window to see if I can catch them red-handed. Nothing. I pay, get my food, and say thank you.

Schizophrenia is when you have a delusion or just a thought and don’t react because you don’t know if it’s true or not. Add stress to it and I can’t work. I can’t live a “normal” life because of it.

What is a “normal” life? When you have a mental illness, you have a rough definition.

Me, Myself, and I

Last night, people were walking up and down the stairs of my apartment building, trying to be quiet. I thought they were talking about me.

“Jason lives there.”

When I experience something like that, it’s very hard to think rationally. I get carried away.

When I hear voices talking negatively about me, I take a deep breath. Then I catch myself in the moment. Are people really talking about me? If you do, you’ll probably find that everything inside and outside your head is silent. Another way to cope is what my therapist told me, to check for evidence. I have a peephole in my front door. When I think something’s going on, I look through it. I look inside, and you know what, there’s no one there.

Think about this: If someone were talking about me outside my door right now, wouldn’t they whisper so I wouldn’t hear them?

When you think strangers are talking about you, you need coping skills.

If you have schizophrenia or any type of mental illness, you need to be in tune with yourself. You can be your own therapist or doctor without a psychiatry degree or a doctorate in psychology.

Being present in the moment is about being self-aware. Use your senses, listen, look through a peephole or window. If you’re on your medication, you probably won’t hear or see anything. Most of the time, you should know that people are minding their own business. They have their own worries and obligations. They probably have nothing to do with you.

My Stages of Recovery

The Stages of Recovery can be viewed as a checklist or a way to see how far you’ve come. A patient, doctor, or mental health professional can benefit from using it. I believe most patients go through these stages of recovery. It’s a tool that helps you see where your recovery begins. These stages can vary. They don’t have to be in order, but I think it’s a tool that is used to help a patient go through the work on their own.

Self-Awareness

I realized something was wrong in the military. I referred myself to mental health. I returned home with horrible symptoms, voices and hallucinations because I hadn’t taken my medication. I didn’t understand what was going on.

Getting Help

My family reported me. It’s better to come to your own conclusions. I was taken to the hospital and decided that if I was going to get help, it would be here.

Staying Stable

I found the right medication at the hospital. I decided that I wasn’t going to go off my medication.

Acceptance

At this stage, I accepted myself at a bar. I didn’t want to stay silent, but I talked to other people. I told other people at the bar that I was a disabled veteran and why. I didn’t know why I should be ashamed of my diagnosis. At this stage, I realized that some people might not accept me. I realized that I needed to test the waters in any public or social setting. I asked myself if I should tell this person, if not, there would be other things to talk about.

Protection

At this stage, I tried to do everything I had to do. I quit drinking and smoking. I took my medication. I was taking antipsychotic injections. After telling my therapist and doctor about my symptoms, my doctor suggested I take a different 2-week injection instead. I also take an oral antipsychotic. Sometimes we do everything we need to do, but we have symptoms. We have to protect. We can’t give up. We have to be aware of our symptoms and if they don’t belong, tell your doctor.

Accepting your mental illness or who you are can also be part of self-awareness. All while protecting and doing what you need to do.