Do you remember the old saying heard on the playground: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?” People often use words like “crazy” or “psychopath” to describe people with a mental health diagnosis. The word “psychopath” is not necessarily a stigmatizing word, but people sometimes use it as an insult. Most of the insults I experience are in my head when my paranoia or delusions take over. Self-stigmatization can also be a product of our experiences.
I was bullied while I was in the military. If that hadn’t happened, it would have likely been another traumatic event that would have brought my schizophrenia to light. Yes, I said it: I have schizophrenia, specifically schizoaffective disorder. An urgent call from my family to the police made me realize that I needed help. As horrific as it was for everyone involved, it helped me heal today. I don’t deny my past, but I have learned to accept it and move on with my life without shame. For me, medication, a trusted doctor, and a good support system helped me move forward, but I can never forget what the early years of my treatment plan were like. Time helps too. Over time, I realized that I was no longer a mental patient, but a mental health advocate.
How I use my words has become very important to me. I use them to educate people about my mental illness and schizophrenia. To be honest, I can be hesitant to share my story with others, but I have received help from a variety of sources. My family has been a tremendous source of help for me. The doctors at the veterans hospital and other veterans have helped me emotionally and physically. I have found purpose in sharing my mental health journey and with the online organization Students with Psychosis. While we each have our own advocacy, we are not competing with each other, and seeing what everyone else is doing in their advocacy efforts motivates me.
I have said that time helps me move forward and that developing a regular routine helps me get to the point where my words can make a difference. I set my alarm clock for 10 a.m., but I usually wake up before the alarm clock rings and listen to a book on tape. I eat breakfast. Eating healthy has become important to me and I like to plan and prepare my own meals. I listen to an online church service twice a week and listen to music every day.
Seeing what my schizophrenia community is doing on social media pushes me to be active. Exercise is so important for my mental health and I have found that regular exercise makes a difference in my mental health journey. I usually take time to write and call my family every day because it is important for me to have some social contact every day. There are days when I feel unmotivated or a little depressed. Sometimes just sitting on my balcony and breathing in the fresh air helps me clear my head and enjoy some quiet time to think.
Although it changed my life, being diagnosed with schizophrenia was not the end of my life. I was diagnosed in 2004 and I am in recovery. It may have taken a while but I am happy. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me because I am valuable and I have a purpose.